Twenty Times Over
by Dreaming-Of-A-Nightmare
Summary: twenty drabbles expressing the loving bond between Naruto and Gaara using songs as inspiration, although these drabbles are NOT songfics. based off of a similar idea i've seen done. all canonverse-based. please read and review!


**A/N: I saw this done by some other people and decided to do it for myself. Goal: write only while a song plays, letting the emotions and lyrics carry you to write a little drabble for any pairing at all; stop writing when the music stops, hopefully at a good spot. The only difference: I put the songs of my 'Jinchuuriki' playlist (meaning songs that remind me of Naruto, Gaara, or both of them) on shuffle and not my entire iTunes library. That way, each song somehow matches the two boys and nothing is unfitting or impossible to write for. Oh, in case you're wondering: I chose twenty songs because it's a good solid number (plus, after the original fifteen I had I wanted more. XD;; ).  
Wow, I type fast. I swear on my life that the length of all those drabbles were indeed written within the time of each song. True, I had a shitload of typos to correct when it was done because I wrote so fast, but I guess ideas can really flow if the song choice is right. I mean, all those words are proof, if ya just look! Heh, heh.**

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_**One.**__ Twenty Years by Placebo_

The rain washed over the window pane, the thick drizzle refusing to let up. Spring in Konoha is always like this; long, dreary, grey. Vaguely, Naruto touched the rim of the Hokage hat lying on his desk. Years ago, he only dreamt of being in this office. And now here he was. And he felt utterly lost. Lost in the rain and lost in his misery, because everything felt empty around him. Hollow. There was more than met the eye with this job… a lot more. And quite frankly, the Kyuubi vessel didn't know if he could handle it all. How did Gaara do it? _He was a 'kage long before me,_ Naruto thinks with a sigh. But the sigh only brought out more of his emotions: he wanted Gaara here with him. He hasn't seen him in forever, and it was beginning to take a toll on his usually cheerful spirits. The rain pelted harder, and Naruto stood. "Shikamaru," he called. The jounnin appeared. "Send word out that Suna needs to meet with us next week," he smirks. He's so clever sometimes. His friend frowns in confusion but follows the order. _Finally,_ Naruto thinks,_ I can see Gaara again._

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_**Two.**_ _Until The Day I Die by Story Of A Year_

Gaara scowled at the blonde-haired Akatsuki member across from him. He wanted nothing to do with this man, and wished he would die under the crushing blow of his fatal coffin of sand. But no, this man was persistent, and kept smirking as he sent all sorts of exploding clay abominations Gaara's way. He bites his tongue, blood filling his mouth. He can't allow this man to take away all that he's worked for… he can't allow him to hurt his village or his people. Like Naruto, he's taken up the dream of being a leader. Thinking even the faintest bit about the blonde brings a strange sense of calm to mind, and Gaara relaxes. He knows what to do. He may have hated Uzumaki Naruto in the past, and he's made a lot of mistakes… but by Kami, he was going to risk everything here and now to set things right, Deidara be damned.

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_**Three.**__ Be My Friend by Sia_

Sitting idly in a wooden swing, a child Gaara hugs his teddy bear tightly to his chest. Across the way in a forest-covered village, a child Naruto does the same, only he has no stuffed animal to cling to. The two are small and needy for warmth, or a friend. They call out across the distance to each other with their hearts, wondering: 'Is there someone else out there? Are you lonely, too? Are you just like me?' And despite the unsafe sense of losing oneself, they can feel the answer. _Yes. Yes, I am. Yes, we are alike. I'll be your friend. _It's impossible to meet now, they know, so for the time being they pretend the other is on the swing with them, rocking to and fro above the dusty ground.

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_**Four.**__ Adrenaline by 12 Stones_

Adrenaline pumps through his veins, grinding out through his jaw and into his teeth, his fists clenching. His heart beats faster and a strange craving makes him lose control. His feelings erupt, _believe it!,_ and everything crashes down around him as his head spins. Passionate heat, swelling from the inside out, consuming him. "Gaara," he says in a husky voice. He's waited long enough for this; and unlike the similar feeling when doing battle with the same redhead, he knows this will go much deeper.

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_**Five.**__ Desert Rose by Sting_

Naruto can see him in the distance… a splotch of red against mounds of beige grain and a palely blue sky. A blossoming flower, like a crisp kiss of water in the parched desert. He runs up to the figure, a smile eating his face. His cobalt eyes soften as he brings his friend to his chest for a 'hello' embrace. "Good to see you," he tells the Sand leader in a hushed tone.

"And the same to you," Gaara replies in his rich voice. He inhales the sweet, intoxicating scent of his unearthly ray of sunshine. His arms come around to return the hug.

"I've missed you," Naruto breathes, trying so carefully not to give into the urges he has to make love to his desert rose right then and there at Sunagakure's gates. Everything between them is like two souls as one, and he wants nothing more than to bathe in that fact.

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_**Six.**__ Duality by Slipknot_

A sickening twist in his heart makes Gaara want to stab himself. It's like all his memories want to haunt him tonight, a night in which he finally can sleep and yet is unable to. He wants to tear at something, so he chooses his pillow. It rips to shreds, but it's not satisfying enough. He refused to go back to his murderous ways from years before, but oh, if it would stop this ache in his breast then he would gladly do so. He's not going to make it one more day if he can't ease this pain. Baring his teeth, Gaara curls into a ball on his bed and clenches his teeth hard enough to crack them. Where was his sanity now? All these images… imagines of the deadly looks from the villagers when he was a child, of his previous demon Shukaku, of the bodies he's left to rot, and of his uncle and father and framed photo of his mother. All he needed in this heart wrenching moment was solace. Who could bring it to him?

A face flashed across his mind, bringing his train wreck of a brain to a halt.

Uzumaki Naruto.

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_**Seven.**__ I Want To Be Loved by Bon Jovi_

Gaara paced down the streets of Konoha. The Chunnin exams were to be tomorrow. He scowls at the ground, his arms folded tightly over his chest. He wasn't the scared kid he used to be, and he can't forgive anyone who's hurt him. But he had a chance here; things could be different. And while he still put up he façade that he was a heartless killer, he secretly longed for something more. Something…

The redhead touches the scar on his forehead, his fingers reading the shape of the kanji for love. Perhaps it wasn't too late. He'll have to see how things progress through all the battles here, but he has so much left unsaid inside of him that made him want to scream. He wants to live and survive through this exam, but he knows nothing ever goes quite according to plan.

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_**Eight.**__ I'm Still Here by Johnny Rzeznik_

Naruto wasn't the type to follow what others wanted of him. He tried to please them, but he never dared become what they wanted him to be. He ignored the demands of the adults and broke the rules, because no one would otherwise look twice. Naruto is just a figment of their hatred, a reminder of what nearly destroyed them all. He knew he didn't belong here, but he wanted to feel like he could. Everyone else around him… they want him to change. But _he's_ the one changing _them_.

It was partway through finding out what caused all this madness that he met Gaara. Another person like himself, who wasn't really there but is still here, still living and refusing to back down. He, too, was someone what was seen as a demon and not a human. Only this red-haired Sand nin couldn't sleep, ever sitting sat watchful of everyone else. Naruto could understand that, and also felt those nights when all he could do was stare and see the world for what it truly was.

"They all lie," Gaara said, identifying with the blonde. "You can't trust anyone."

"No, maybe not," Naruto said indignantly.

Gaara's brows lower. "Take a moment. You'll see where their loyalties are. But what about yours?"

"I just want to touch what's real," Naruto murmurs, his voice settling. He looks up. "What do you know about it?"

"Everything."

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_**Nine.**__ Easier To Run by Linkin Park_

"I know you," Naruto muttered. "I know what it was like; so much, it actually hurts. All alone, everything taken from you, a dark secret. Wounds that never go away, and things in your past that never leave."

Gaara looks away. Those eyes… they're too intense. And he feels suddenly ashamed, as though everything he's done has been a mistake.

"I wish it never happened. Sometimes I wonder if I should stop trying, and take everything back. But it's not possible. Running away doesn't always help, but it's easiest."

Gaara swallows. He pushes the blonde away. "Don't talk to me like you've always been there with me. You haven't."

"But I can be now."

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_**Ten.**__ Cellar Door by Escape The Fate_

He burst into the cave. He saw Gaara's body lying lifeless. Not a breath came from his mouth or nose, and his eyes were empty and closed tight. He fought to get the body from the despicable Akatsuki members, and once he had it he carried it to an open field. Sakura told him that Gaara was gone. In a great burst of pain and sorrow, he cried. "Naruto…" Sakura whispered, but he was hurting too much to hear her.

"It's so wrong," he wept. "This shouldn't have happened…" He bends down beside the body, tracing with his fingers the dirt and the tiny bloody scratches. Why? Why did it have to happen?

He leans forward and lightly kisses at Gaara's face, his tears washing over the cold body. He wanted to lose control. He wanted to beat the shit out of everyone and rampage with Kyuubi's will taking over his own. He wanted to avenge the only person he'd ever loved.

It's so wrong…

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_**Eleven.**__ New Design by Thousand Foot Krutch_

Gaara hesitated. He's never felt this way before. Naruto was just as confused as him, but there's no turning back now. They've always felt so alone, but not now. Not when their lips were clashing and their hands were intertwined and their minds were racing. How they did this to each other – made them wear so thin and step so far out of bounds – they didn't know or care. All that mattered was the flow of their bodies, melding together, finally united and no longer deprived of contact.

"Do you get the feeling that everything will be all right?" Naruto wanted to know. Gaara didn't have any answers. But he started the cycle all over again with another kiss, as if saying that he didn't care if things became all right or not.

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_**Twelve.**__ Before The Dawn by Evanescence_

The Kazekage sat up on the cliff in Konoha, the carved heads of all the Hokages below his feet. The night was chilling and the stars were bright, and everything was beginning to lighten in a wash of purple and blue. The sun was far from rising. He knew he'd be gone before the dawn broke. Gone into sleep, since he was finally getting tired.

Without warning – since Gaara hadn't heard anyone approach – he felt arms wrap around his neck from behind, and a body brush against his back. He tenses, wondering if it's an enemy. "I thought I might find you here," airs a lovely voice.

Gaara calms his tense muscles. "Naruto," he utters softly as the blonde ninja pulls him backwards to lie on the dewy grass. Petals line his skin, and he knows it's Naruto's mouth ravishing him. His robes peel apart and the early morning air stiffens his nipples, but soon the blonde above him his rubbing him warm again. "I have to leave later…" he reminds the Jinchuuriki. He closes his eyes and sighs, keeping himself from the shores of sleep but wanting so badly to drift away.

"I know," the other says sweetly, "So let us have this moment."

Tonight, they'll fly so far away into nothing, the orange and pink rays of the sun never touching them. Three words spoken in the dawn, merged into one. I love you._ Aishiteru._

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_**Thirteen.**__ Savin' Me by Nickelback_

It's like a prison, and Naruto is trying to crawl his way out, reaching the whole time for someone. The iron bars around him entrap him, so he screams out a name. He knows now what it's like for Kyuubi, and he hates it. He wants to be saved.

Gaara knows that heaven is beyond his reach; he's killed too many. With broken wings he flies through the city that doesn't love him, even if he leads them. Falling, he yells out a name. He wishes to be saved.

Taught wrong from right, Gaara knows what name to call. "Naruto!"

Showing what he can be, Naruto knows who's waiting for him. "Gaara!"

They met at the crossroads, and again they meet in the same place. All they need is one another to break free. They know what it's like to be the last one standing. If they simply leave their lives behind them… they can be together. All they need is each other to save themselves.

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_**Fourteen.**__ Let Love In by The Goo Goo Dolls_

It took him a while to figure it out. Naruto always knew that the feeling was there, like a raw diamond in the hard rock.

He's waited for the world to let him in, to let him fit in. He's smiled to hide, but now he bears his true colors. He faces the person who understands. He had to let the other know what that feeling is.

Gaara had no clue; he's never bothered to let anything in, only force things out. He plays a game, his own emotions the players. He rarely lets one win and reveal itself. But once he opens his door to the blonde, he knew that he just let love win and his love in.

Naruto steps inside and braces himself. He wants to speak, but has no words. So he tells Gaara with action, and doesn't stop even as the redhead resists. He waits for his friend to relax, and react. It's taken so long to get to this point…

Without words, Gaara replies. 'You're the only one I ever believed in, the answer that could never be found. But now you found me, and I'm glad.'

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_**Fifteen.**__ Forgotten Children by Tokio Hotel _

**Spoken together:  
**Nothing feels right. Everyone is so disapproving, so distant, so cruel. No one cares for me. I was born for a purpose beyond me, and was left alone. I'll never hear my name spoken lovingly, but being too young to break the chains, I carry all the blame. The blame of my village. I don't want to live here. I don't want to keep crying for reasons I don't understand. There has to be a way out of this. Everyone is scared of me, no one wants to touch me. But isn't there someone out there who will? Someone like me? There probably isn't. I doubt anyone suffers the same as I do. If they do, I wonder who they are, or where they could be, or what they look like… I wonder if there's another child like me.

**Spoken apart:  
**(Gaara) I wonder if his eyes are as empty as mine, his face as blank.  
(Naruto) I wonder if he's had the same pains.  
(Gaara) I wonder if his demon is as bloodthirsty as mine.  
(Naruto) I wonder if he seeks friendship like I do.  
(Gaara) I wonder if he's done things he regrets.  
(Naruto) I wonder if we'll meet some day.

**Spoken together:  
**If we do, will we recognize each other? Will we know straight away that we're the forgotten children? And when we meet, what will become of us and our villages? …What will become of our _hearts_?

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_**Sixteen.**__ Rooftops by Lost Prophets_

I tend to gravitate towards rooftops late in the night. It's the only place where I can reflect on everything that's happened, and think of my future. It's the only place where I can pour my heart out and not have anyone see or judge me. In those nightly hours when I'm up so high above the world, I can accept myself and have no regrets. And on the rooftops, I never feel alone, because I know a certain someone is watching the same sky with me. He sleeps half the time unlike I do, but I know there must be nights when he wakes from a nightmare and seeks comfort from the moon. And I like to pretend that I'm sending my comforts to him through the moon, silently telling him that I care and am thinking of him. Sometimes, if I listen carefully, I can hear him screaming his heart out right back at me.

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_**Seventeen.**__ In My Mind by SR-71_

I can't see him very often. Some duty or another always gets in the way, the work of being a shinobi ever the obstacle. It sucks, because it seems the only times I can visit Gaara are either on obscure missions or those lonely minutes in the night where I can find him in my mind. Yeah, it sounds stupid… I reach out into the empty air with my arms, eyes shut tight, as I fantasize about holding him, kissing him, seeing him one more time. I never know if he feels the same, since we hardly get the chance to spend time together, but to me it's like I've already confessed my feelings for him.

Every night when I fall asleep, he's there. In my mind, I try to signal him with a big wave. When he looks my way, I don't feel so helpless and I feel like all the walls around me are gone. He might hate a lot of things in the world, and I try to look past it as I share my love with him. In my dreams, Gaara stands there and I bring all my wishes to life.

I hate waking up from those nights, but I know everything's going to be alright. If I just fall asleep, I'll see him again. And one day, someday… I'll get to really do all the things I dream of.

I can only hope that Gaara will let me.

Deep down, I think he will.

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_**Eighteen.**__ My Sacrifice by Creed_

It plays dumbly through the air like a warped melody. A needy feeling, a fatal feeling: love.

They don't know where to begin; it feels like forever since they've last been together, but they remember what they've done in the past. Above everyone else, they know (tears in Naruto's eyes as he thinks of it) that they're made for each other, and not even death can separate them.

Life had turned around for Gaara more than once, the first time to change his behavior and the second when he nearly left the world forever. Naruto sacrificed a lot both times, and for that Gaara is grateful. All the time he thinks, 'I just want to see him again'. And now he can, and is.

"When I'm with you, I'm careless and free," Naruto murmurs. And Gaara knows it's true. He feels the same, although he doesn't say so. He merely accepts the kiss that gets placed on his lips, the first he's ever had in his life. And it feels so right.

For once, things have come to a satisfying close.

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_**Nineteen.**__ Roulette by System Of A Down_

Gaara couldn't comprehend it. He has a problem he cant explain, and the reason is not as plain as it should be. He has no questions, only excuses. He wants to both be as close to his knuckleheaded blonde friend as possible, and yet at the same time he wants to be miles away. He's so terribly confused.

Whenever he was around Naruto, he knew exactly how he felt. But when he was around him, he didn't know what it was he felt.

His stomach would churn, his ears would burn, his heart would race, and if they touched a blush would come to his face. It was an endless cycle of tormenting emotions that overtook him and made his logic vanish.

One day, as Gaara's heart was clenching in his chest, he dared to say it. "Around you, I don't know what it is I feel. It perplexes me, because I know how it feels, but not what it is…"

And that's when Naruto smiled. "I have the same problem."

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_**Twenty.**__ Betrayed by Avenge Sevenfold_

It drove him wild to no end. Everything from his past… it scorched his insides. All the betrayal, all the raw anger and hate… it just burned him like the rising sun. Gaara cursed it, cursed the cause and the effect that his demon brought on. The only thing he ever thought he loved turned around and bit him like a snake disguised as a harmless worm. His uncle, Yashamaru… oh, how much he cried over it. He killed the only man who ever brought salvation to his pain, even if it had been false. But after that night, he hardened and knew he'd be fine. Time could never heal his wounds, but it could scab them over like the red scar etched into his forehead.

In his dreams after he had temporarily touched the sky, when his extra weight was missing, Gaara could see everything clearly. There was an angel there, with blonde hair, whiskered cheeks, and blue eyes. He knew there was one thing left for him to do: he had to seek out that angel and never leave it's side. He started out a weary and broken-hearted child, but now he was a man. And Gaara knew his heart didn't have to be broken any longer. He doesn't deserve all the happiness in the world, but he thinks he could afford to have one person who wasn't an enemy.

Sometimes his future looks bleak and he feels weak, but deep down Gaara knew there was hope. He was destined to finally be together with the only person who could understand him, his personal angel of the Leaf.


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